Post-Free Posting

I am currently reading F*ck Love by Tarryn Fisher. I am really confused about how I feel; it had my feelings going up and down like a sin curve.

The first chapter was completely about a dream. Helena was sitting with Kit, her best friend Della's boyfriend in a fast food restaurant while Della and Helena's boyfriend Neil were getting their food. Kit said that he and Helena should be a pair and wanted to show her something. Being a dream, the scene quickly shifted to another--which depicted their future together. They were married, living in Washington (instead of Florida where the story takes place), had two kids with one boy whose father was Neil and another baby girl who belonged to Kit. She had become an artist, something to do with coloring books instead of an accountant.

Now here's the deal. Anyone with a right frame of mind would wake up and laugh it off. But Helena didn't. From then on, she was rewiring her life so that she would get the life she dreamed of. Even though she was bad in art, she took up art classes in the hopes that one day she would be the artist. She stalked Kit on Facebook to get to know him better. It is perfectly clear where this is headed--this is just the beginning of the courtship.



She began showing up in the bar where Kit works at, they began texting and emailing each other with Kit sending her manuscripts of the novel he's writing that Della had not even read. Well, she did at the beginning but Kit cut her off after she asked if there were vampires or werewolves in it. When she was drunk, she left a note for Kit: I had a dream. Don't marry Della. In response, there was another note left by Kit in Helena's car: Give me a reason not to. What is he thinking? I can't comprehend what is going on in Kit's mind.

I believe I did catch on some subtle hints from Kit. How he tried coffee for the sake of Helena, the way he was smiling at her and said she was pretty excellent, how he was not offended or taken aback when he caught her smelling his shirts but even gave her a smirk then eyeing her mouth. Let me get this straight: this is definitely NOT how you react to your girlfriend's best friend no matter how attractive she is.

The roller coaster feeling? Here it goes.

When Della revealed she might be pregnant.




But it turned out to be false positive.







She was so sad and when she saw Kit at the front door and rushed up to him.




But she tested it again on five more sticks, and they were all positive.




She miscarriaged.



Sometimes a little creepy too.
1. Dream: Home in Washington.
Reality: Kit was from Washington and had never told anyone about it.

2. Dream: Neil cheated on Helena.
Reality: It happened.

3. Dream: Kit knew Helena was going into arts.
Reality: He bought a book on arts for her.



Again, I really have no clue what Kit is thinking. It's as if he knew. All about that dream. *AHHH!*

I don't approve Helena's actions of stealing her best friend's boyfriend. Yet I felt exactly how she would have reacted in all these situations when I should be revolted and angry at her. This is why it is so confusing.