Post-Free Posting

Illusion.

A lot of times, I am still blinded by something. It is this illusion that is preventing myself from seeing the truth.

I am still under the illusion that things are the same.
I am still under the illusion that luck would be on my side.
I am still under the illusion that the things that I dread to happen will not befall me.

In fact, I think the people around me have grown up.

I am still into the usual genre in terms of books, the kind of music, the activities that I find joy doing or not. Obviously, things have changed. In the past, we had conversations. Now, I am conducting interviews. It is very tiring to try to engage someone in a conversation. All I get from my questions, are yes/no/nod/head shake or one-sentence answers. Conversation, to me, is about participating actively and willing to share with the others, offering more than what is being asked. The passage from conversation to interview makes me feel like I am wasting their time and makes them bored. Even though I tried to talk about areas that they are interested in, what I get in return are negative feedback. I seriously don't know, and had never realised that this is the beginning to a problem as I am under the illusion that this is due to something else and not what I suspect it to be. Ever heard of "keep a ball rolling"? I don't understand why I should put in so much effort to do so. Why does it have to be me doing that constantly?

I haven't had an intellectual discussion with anyone in a very long time. The things I hear about nowadays are gossips (boy, do I hate them), complaints, essentially things that I am not interested in because honestly, they are none of my business. When I came across something that's worth a discussion, I am starting to come around the fact that there already ain't nobody that I can discuss it with. So at the end of the day, it's just me.